Be still....

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7a

Well, this verse is not my favorite because I struggle with it so.
I struggle to wait.
I struggle to be patient.
I like to have things happening.
Being accomplished.
Taken care of.
I don't always follow all the steps to a recipe because it takes too long.
I don't always follow all the rules because I want to get to the end result quicker.
I don't always pray for as long as I should because I don't do well repeating the same words night after night.
I find that busyness keeps me from boredom.
Boredom drives me crazy.


"May I recognize today that the worst form of busyness is the kind that keeps my destination unfocused." Max Lucado

"Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come to You. Do not hide Your face from me in the day of my trouble; incline Your ear to me; in the day that I call, answer me speedily." Psalm 102:2 

Now that's what I'm talking about. I like that verse. David wasn't waiting patiently when he said "answer me speedily!" Again, I come back to the issue of balance in my life. Wisdom is perhaps what it all boils down to.

When to wait; when to cry out come quickly because I need you now.
When to press in; when to sit back.
When to speak; when to listen.
When to stand up for something; when to move on and realize it doesn't even really matter.
When to ask one more time; when to simply drop it.

Wisdom. Yes, I think that's what I'm longing for more of today.

"Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7

Interrupting

Psalm 141:3
Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.


I tend to interrupt. I don't mean to do it rudely. I just always have struggled in this area. It has been brought to my attention a few times in my lifetime and was again today. It's never easy to hear things that hurt. But I also want to grow. The funny thing is that in my family that I grew up in there are a LOT of girls and we all like to talk and tell stories and often talk over each other and it's just normal for us. I'm not saying it's right, it's simply what we do. I'm not justifying. Simply saying that when you grow up with certain acceptable behaviors in your family it is not always as noticeable to you as to others.


Sanguine personalities also tend to have this negative attribute. Again, the part that hurt when it was quite bluntly brought to my attention by a frustrated individual today is that I don't mean to devalue someone else's opinion. I'm just talking. I talk. I talk a lot. I talk more than I should. Although, I strive VERY hard to not allow gossip to be a part of that "talk". I just like to talk to people. I can go up to a stranger and talk and talk and talk. I love working in the church office because I get to talk with lots of people. 


Anyways, it was a humbling experience when I was approached about it because I was in no way meaning to be rude or interrupt. I was just talking about what they were talking about. This is hard because I want to justify my actions and say it's just my personality and that I don't mean anything by it. But I know that growing in the Lord does not allow for justification. Whether or not the other person was in the right or not in their approach is not the question, but rather how I respond to it. 


I apologized and then sent a note of apology. Although I didn't feel it was a great offense, I didn't want any door of bitterness to be up between us. 


Lord, help me take this reminder as one from You that I need to guard my mouth. It's not always just the words I say but WHEN I say them. You know this is an area that I work at but often slip up in. It is so important to me that my mouth is never an avenue for gossip that often I don't pay enough attention to other areas - like my tendency to interrupt. 

Psalm 141:3
Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Living in the middle

What does living "in the middle" mean? I'm not 100% sure but I'm coming believe that I often live there and that's not where I want to be.
Jesus didn't call us -me- to live a life in the middle. Choosing neither one way or the other. It sounds counter to what I always say about having balance in my life, but this is different. The "middle" represents the fence post. Am I going to be radically in love with Jesus in my home, neighborhood, ministry....or just enough in love with Jesus to get by?

Middle-intermediate or average. On neither extreme. Medium.

Those are not words I want to describe my spiritual life!

I want exceptional. Flowing from the lineage of Abraham and Sarah. Living in freedom from the law. (See Galations.) Not a slave to mediocrity just because the world says I have to fit into a box. Oh, let me change that, OR the church says we have to fit into a box. I'm not saying to not follow the teachings of the Word! Absolutely not!!! I'm saying, I want to be so radically in love with Jesus that it flows through in every area of my life!:)


Galations 1:10-
 10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Expansion

New life. 

Jesus. The empty tomb.

What does it all mean?

It means that I have a Savior.

A Savior that would have just saved ME if that's all that wanted Him. 

He is mighty to save though and that means more that just me gets to enjoy that salvation. 

Family.

My husband. My two kids. My mom. My sisters. Gar. 

The promise of expansion. 

New faces. New lives intertwined. New hopes. New relationships. More children. 

I used to fear changes in life. I was so comfortable with the way it was. 

But as I get older I realize how vitally important expansion is. In our homes. Our friendships. Our churches. 

It means new life. And that takes on different forms. But with new life comes new blessings. 

Yes disappointment and hurts often come too but we would miss the blessings if we didn't endure them. 

Grateful. Waiting. Anticipating. Pondering. Grateful. 

Organization

Don't put it down, put it away!

Today -

Outside my window: I see cars passing, passing, passing.

I am thinking: That sometimes it's hard for people to break out of destructive/hurtful thought patterns and see the good in people.

I am thankful for: My family. The ones I live with, the ones I live by, and my grandparents that don't live close by but I love very much.

From the kitchen: Left overs tonight.....Tuesdays are work and then wrestling. Oh, I forgot today is cooking day with Nana so I'll have a yummy treat later! :-)

I am creating: A legacy for my children to pass on to their children. (Too deep - I know.) :-)

I am reading: Way too many books at one time. :-) The Successful Family by Creflo and Taffy Dollar; Preparing to be a Helpmeet by Debi Pearl; How to Get and Stay Organized by.....can't remember; A Place for Peace by Amy Claptham.

I am hoping: That I will trust God with ALL the details as much as my heart says I should. My head always gets in the way.

I am hearing: Quiet.

Around the house: It's a reminder of the lovely dinner/evening that my hubby planned and prepared for the kids and I last night.

Tomorrow holds: Joyful hearts, big smiles, lots of schoolwork, a few bills to be paid, doctors appointment, church.

Ladies Bible Study

Two years ago, I felt the Lord leading me/desiring me to have a Ladies Bible Study for my neighborhood. It was totally out of my comfort zone. Which most people that know me would probably find odd because I'm very outgoing and tend to not have any difficulty talking to people or leading groups. However, the fear of the unknown and talking to ladies that I don't know at all....in my home....about Jesus.....and the things of Him was a different story. It was honestly more about the inviting than the Bible Study.

Well, I have known that God wanted me to do it, but I continued to make excuses about how busy I am, how it would interfere with family time, how it was an added stresser that I simply didn't need. But they were all just....excuses! So last night I hosted my first neighborhood Ladies Bible Study. The kids and I passed out 50 invitations to all the homes on our street. I was still slightly embarrassed to invite people, and I'm not really sure why???? It's almost like I don't want to be an imposition to them but I know that many woman are hurting and need a Savior.

A fear of my thoughts were:

• Well, I'll get several "churched" ladies who just want to see my house/visit/etc.
• What if my immediate neighbors come...the ones who only see me in my pajamas while taking out the trash....and then it's just more of an intimate relationship than "Hi, how are you?" Do I have time/energy for that?
• How do I prepare because I don't want to be too "in your face" with Jesus and Scripture yet I also want them to go away having received an invitation to know Him and understand more about Him. 
• I didn't want to hurt school time cleaning all day in preparation. I wanted keep my day fairly similar yet still get all I needed done. 
• I didn't want to be stressed when Josh got home from work and ask him to help clean anything or not prepare a good dinner. 

Here was what happened:

• By the grace of God, I did not get stressed about getting ready or cleaning at all. And that is totally a God thing!
• Both kids had a early morning dentist appointment. Plus we took Auntie lunch at college and then had an orthodontics appointment at 1:30 PM. This was all a recipe for disaster if I had been functioning in MY strength. 
• Although there were LOTS of added "things" the kids still got all their school work done even though we had to go later into the evening. 
• I worked diligently throughout the day to do a little here and a little there so as to not have a large load of cleaning at the last minute. It worked! I was again reminded that MY ATTITUDE determines so much of the tone of the home and our day. Thank you Lord for your help.
• Josh got home and had a moment of anxiety as I thought about having to cook dinner...which created a mess that I didn't want to have in my clean kitchen. But then I remembered that my FAMILY is my priority. It all worked out. We ate, I did the dinner dishes, made a batch of brownies, got the kids in bed, lit the candles....and waited and prayed. 
• No one showed up. I was a bit disappointed because I really feel God wanted me to do it. Then I thought "If I had personally invited more instead of just passing out flyers to most perhaps they would have come." But I'm not going to be discouraged. I'll pass out more flyers this week and try to personally invite more. 
• I had originally not wanted my friends to come because I want it to be for my neighborhood, but since everything was ready I posted on FB that if any friends wanted to come and two ladies came that have never been to my home. 

It was a really nice evening. We talked and I shared on ATTITUDE and read a lot of Scriptures from Philippians chapter 2 and 4. Although it is a lot of work to prepare for, it also feels so good to open my home to others. I know that hospitality is an area that I lack in. I enjoy having people over but I also have some anxiety about making sure everything is perfect when they come. I'm trying to release that (yet still make things very nice:-). Next week we'll be looking at Ephesians and loving others!

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:3-5