Disappointment

It seems as if the past few weeks I have faced 

disappointment that has been troubling to me....

not because it was big or important or even very noteworthy, 

but rather the mere fact that I was troubled. 

I shed tears. 

Came back to wondering why I was so upset about this seemingly 

non-important issue. 

After a few tears, whining to my husband, 

and then praying that God would help me to determine the true

source of my frustration/disappointment,

I came to this conclusion. 

I am not often disappointed in life when things happen that I have no control over.

I seem to be very steady and logical and well-thought out.

However....

when it is something that I possibly could have adjusted or changed 

or my disappointment was solely the result of a decision that I had complete control over I 

get very upset....upset at myself. 

Upset at myself

for not being

smarter,

wiser, 

more planned,

more prepared,

more ....whatever.

I have been pondering this over the past two weeks as things 

have come my way - 

things that perhaps I have some control over the outcome. 

And then those things that I have no control over....

like the way people respond to things I have done with a totally pure heart. 

I'm working through this. 

Slowly.

Surely.

Steadily.

With God's help.